Hilarious GC log

I was doing a google search trying to find an old forum post of mine (which I didn't find :( ) when I came across this old Lost & Found Cryptosporidium-623 log nomination. Essence of Beldar Conehead on Saturday Night Live. I thought I'd post it here so I'd have a record of it:

Cryptosporidium-623 found Enigma #1

Friday, 28 January 2011Colorado 

 

Look, I found a
RUBBER CHICKEN inside!

Bwah ha ha ha ha!

Your inverted bolita collector was no match for the mighty Cryptosporidium-623 from planet FURON! As my clone, 507, our K-9 Mark III unit and myself approached the location of your diabolical device, we happened upon a Hooman attempting to use his primate neurons to reassemble the unit. He ran from the scene, waving his arms and screaming something about being unable to solve the "reverse puzzle."

As we were more interested in a conquest of technology than another boring rectal probing (yes, we've learned all we are going to using THAT method), we obtained the device and analyzed its construction.

From our initial scans, it appeared, to us at any rate, as if the unit was intended to be an unholy pairing between a sewage evacuation system and a soup thermos. Interesting, tasty and sinister all at the same time (the way we Furons like them!)

Upon further examination, we discovered that the locking mechanism was left open, allowing us to quickly open the upper compartment and imprint our identities on the pulp-based logging analog. We then used our angular tractor beam device to retrieve the knowledge spheres that contained the security codes allowing us to PROPERLY SECURE THE UNIT. Oh look, we matched the patterned sequence on the FIRST try. Mwah haaa haaaa!

As far as primitive Hooman constructs go, we consider this device to be most worthy. In fact, we may borrow this design for a portable flatulence incinerator that we've been working on.

Thank you for your feeble attempts to postpone the inevitable downfall of Sol-III.

--Cryptosporidium-623
(AWESOME container, guys! TFTC!)